Tired

I'm barely hanging in

Can you feel it in your chest?

The heaviness in your lungs and your heart

A weight, not only on your eyelids but on your chest

Slowly suffocating you

Little by little, pressing the breath, the life out of you

I am so tired

Wah!

Its those little small things in your day that make it good. A chance meeting, a nice walk, some starbucks and a good song in your head. Its brings a smile to your face, a happiness in your heart that you want to share with everyone, that makes you smile and want to shout out loud about how happy you are. Its just one of those days. Also can anyone tell me why The Cranberries are so awesome?! They're just so...so...gah awesome! Ha ha I know not many adjectives but yes ha ha they are. I suppose that is all for today not much to say. Though I did have a pretty epic weekend! I went to a friends house with friends from church and we had a pool party and I may have *looks around for anyone* I may have met a girl. Shhh! Don't tell anyone thought hehehe. But yes a very good saturday followed by a Sunday filled with fun at disneyland! My friend Kaitlyn went and she brought her friend Heidamen, it was awesome. Monday was my friend and I hanging so its been pretty good and I am happy for that and today was a good day too. Well that seems to be al so bye for now.

Way too hard

A lot of things have been happening lately. Life has been full of ups and downs and things appearing. For instance i have been sitting and thinking of where I will go with my career as of recent. You see a few months back, I received a letter form the Navy, inquiring my interest to be a chaplain. I scoffed at the idea and just put the letter up (I had thought I threw it away until finding it recently) and did not give it a second thought. Well now i am rethinking and praying because of issues that have come up. For starters, I have been on academic probation for a while now and as such I have been dismissed form my school and an appeal was made. Well I have been waiting for the answer to the appeal for a few weeks now but chances are it will be revealed to me their decision on the 26. Oh joy I get to wait. Fun. Well if that was not bad enough, I am now in more trouble as their may be a possibility that I can't even pay for school, since along with academic they placed me on financial probation (why both I have no idea) and as such I have lost my financial aid, all except 12 our of the 28 i was receiving before. Yep, I am boned. So hey though the Navy can help me there, though. But chances are, this isn't what God wants me to do. But I am waiting for a definite answer before I say anymore or continue with plans, since "man plans and God laughs." Add in more financial trouble but this time with the family and that my brother is ill and you make for a very interesting summer vacation. God, I really need you here man, I need some strength, wisdom, knowledge, discernment and patience. But most of all, faith in you Lord.

I hate drama

Why can't people get along and just be civilized and sit down and talk things through with each other? It would make life easier. Instead they fight, argue and threaten each other through social networking sites, the bane of every teen and young adult's existence. It also makes people, like me who dislike fighting and want to keep the peace, nervous. Its also stupid when its over a person. Confused? let me shed some light. A good friend of mines ex girlfriend is currently dating my good friends and i mutual friends ex boyfriend. See the ex of my friend is not very much liked due to the fact that with dating my friend she kinda stole him away from her former best friend who was interested in him (a fact she knew quite well) and was kicked out of the group. Their relationship lasted for about 3 months before they broke up. He was welcomed back as he sat down and talked to everyone. She did not. She kept her distance and has only talked to myself and another person form the group though her talking to me probably was an attempt to see if I would deliver messages to my friend to make him jealous. I didn't obviously and everyone was happy. Until now when she is dating our mutual friends ex boyfriend and making threats over the internet. First off I'd like to say, please stop making threats over the internet. Go plan and plot in secret like normal people. Sheesh. Truthfully I am more worried that this guy is just using her to make his ex angry that he would date a person that he knows she doesn't like. I wish for the drama to end because I don't wanna pick sides. I want everyone to calm down. Unfortunately this will probably not be the case.

My brain hath failed me

So as I may or may not had mentioned before I had asked a girl out some time ago. Well being the smart guy I am it was two weeks before finals and school ended so it was lame! Well we have been texting off and on during the summer, more off since she has been traveling but that isn't a problem. Well finally the time came for us to meet again at our friends wedding and I was anxious and excited and the time came in the middle of the reception for dancing and I was biding my time, waiting for a slow song. Then it finally came. Nervous moment of truth, I finally got the nerve (though the song would soon end due to my shyness) to ask her to dance, which I was responded to by her saying something but the music was too loud for me to hear and it went like this: 'something something something best friends". Despite not knowing 100% what was said I kinda knew where it was going. She had wanted to stay as best friends and not ruin a friendship. Okay first off I am not mad or anything, I am happy she told me, so I wouldn't be lead on or anything. Well thus ends another story right? Wrong. My brain has kicked into overdrive and is giving me old memories of past girlfriends, relationships and interests. Because it got better as a good friend asked me if I have feeling for her at all. Oh great. That went well in admitting to her I did as I answer questions honestly. She was surprised as apparently we are both two oblivious people but we will not be pursuing anything with each other for reasons. Add in the fact that I am now getting over one girl, admitted feeling to another, and now as I slowly go back to being single, see other qualities in another girl. I am messed up. I don't know what I want, who I like or what I am doing. Its all so very frustrating and worst of all I have random times of being sad. It majorly sucks. I suppose the best option is to continue to read the book I am currently reading (no I will not reveal it, its a secret) and prepare to learn more on relationships. Fun fun fun.

A celebration!

There should be celebrating! There should be music! there should be happiness! As of yesterday, July 10, 2010, a covenant has been of matrimony as my two great friends Kelsey Mahler, and Nathan Zirges came together and are now Mr. and Mrs. Zirges. I would like to extend great congratulations and hope and pray the Lord give you blessings. I pray you both abide in the Lord and that he is the center of your relationship. Here is to the both of you and the journey you both have now embarked on for the rest f your lives. A wedding and a marriage is such a beautiful thing and so deep and mysterious as love is itself. I am so happy for you two and thank you for allowing me to be apart of your wedding my friends.

I hate

Celebrities. I hate Hollywood. Sure the entertainment is great in the form of movies but I cannot stand these people. They are held in such high esteem that everyone feels hurt, betrayed, saddened when something happens to them. Take Mel Gibson for instance. Apparently there is a tape of him yelling at his ex girlfriend and in this tape he uses the N word. This has brought out such people as Al Sharpton, and the center for defamation or another I cannot remember at this time and they are commenting on this. Even making a comment that Mel needs help. You see I have been hearing that word a lot lately. Apparently Tiger needed help, so did Jesse James and apparently so does whoever the crap the bachelor guy is. Which is another issue I will get to but first Mel Gibson. Seriously people? I mean I do not condone the use of racial terms but would people be acting this way had this been some average joe? No because you would never have heard of this happening. Would any of these people have cared if it wasn't a celebrity who did have a rant before where he made anti-Semitic remarks? I mean come one guys really? Now onto the bachelor. Because since this chick is ditching him both sides are firing. Her side says he parties, his side says she cheated and he booted her. What? Really guys? Come on now. Not to mention that she is claiming she is going ot be on the cover on playboy despite playboy scratching their heads and have gone to say they have no idea what the heck she is talking about. Because apparently while with this guy she spent all of her savings. ALL OF IT. WHAT? Why would you do that? What could you possibly have done to deplete all of your money? Add in the fact that now recently some very provocative pictures of her on spring break have appeared of her in some dance contest depicting her acts. Where do these pictures come from? Is there a vault somewhere? Speaking of incriminating photos we now turn to our wonderful Miss' as in the Miss California who had said she does not approve of gay marriage is STILL under fire apparently form another contestant who is going to give her a photo frame with a picture from her pro gay marriage site. This is just childish. She has been on blast for sharing her views and beliefs. Are we seriously putting someone down for their values they believe in? Not everyone was raised the same and now when they express some resistance, they are mocked, put down and such. Tolerance much? I think not. Thank you hollywood for your contribution to my movie library but I think that is all I will need you for. I know you may be wondering what I will do without their input on so many important things in life but I think I will manage just fine.

Good News!

So i called my school to fund out about my financial aid situation and turns out they have yet to actually go through all of my information and calculate what I actually have. So hopefully that'll go well and I'll have enough for next semester. Though I also still need to see if I go back so hopefully everything works out.