These comments were focused basically on two facts. One, I do not have a job, and two, I do not have my license yet. Such comments were made as "he says he's looking for a job, but I doubt it." and "I'd be embarrassed if I had to hand my ID for something and it was a California ID and not a driver's license at your age." For starters yes, I do not have my license and I am 22. I never felt the need for a license because, as I was younger, I never felt the need for freedom until more so recent years with things that happen here at my home. There are other people who are older who do not have a license I know and yes that is no excuse I am just slow oging about these things. It happens.
It happens, but I certainly did not need these comments. As such, I've been depressed this week. Been feeling like all the answers I had are nothing but crap. That the assurance of "everything will be find eventually, just gotta give it time", doesn't mean anything anymore. It sucks and I don't like it. To make last weekend worst, my computer decided to go and take a vacation from working. That was frustrating as I needed to vent and cool off and I couldn't even do that because of an error in the program or something. So I had to reinstall my OS. That i backed up on my external. In March. Yeah, i was not pleased by this. "Three things in life are certain, death, taxes and loss of data. Guess which one just happened?" Yep. That about sums it up.
But yes I felt horrible this week. And it seems that every thought was about how I have done nothing with my life, how I am scared of what comes next and just everything like that! Its all just been building up and just...crap. It sucks. I never much cared for depression unlike how apparently it loves me. I know it'll get better and God will lead me back onto the right track. I just hate how the world goes on and on and I just seem to drift. I don't like it very much. I'm not happy despite my own happiness being up to myself and no one else and that the world doesn't stop for anyone.
God, I just wish things were better and I wish I had that closeness to God but it just seems He is so far right now. I kind of went off on God and snapped at him and just said things. Things i should never had said and I know they hurt, I mean it hurt me to say them. But I was so angry and frustrated and that is no excuse i know. Maybe it was just to show me I don't have it all down, that I need some work, and i have rough edges. I don't know. Just got a lot of crap to figure out. Really wish this was a lighter happier post. It is my 200 so I was hoping for something cooler but eh, what are you going to do?
