I always get majorly pumped for fall time and Halloween and this year was no different. Unfortunately, it's what comes after the month of October that I absolutely hate: my depressed rut. Unfortunately for me, my idiot brain went and associates this time of year with romance and my past relationships. See, in high school, this time of year was the moment I was making big steps in starting up my first high school relationship. I was planning on asking a girl out, talking to her parents and buying her a great gift for Christmas. Pretty huge stuff for a hormonal teenage boy who is trying to figure everything wrong or right to say.
So whenever this time of year occurs, it reminds me of the romantic moments I shared with this girl and other girls around this time of year. Another moment was going out to Disneyland with a girl I was dating, another was thinking of how close I came to dating another girl and all the moments we shared. So whenever this time of year comes around it makes me a little depressed (okay a lot) at remembering those moments. It also doesn't help I am fast approaching my wonderful 8th year of living the single life while so many around me are getting married and starting families. All while I am here doing, well, nothing.
Like I get it. I'm in a season of waiting, learning patience and how to be an adult but that doesn't make it taste any less bitter. Just, ugh. I wish I wasn't such a hopeless romantic. I was getting better at conquering that part and pulling the reigns on my heart to actually not be dumb and create expectations and scenarios. But recently with the flood of things on social media about couples, not going out as much to vent all my frustrations and just general depression I have been in this seasonal rut. Course there's also my inability to not procrastinate and just ugh. I need a vacation. A getaway to just spend time with no one around and vent it all out.
