Forever Young

One of my favorite past times is reading manga. A lot of it is romance, a slice of life type stuff. Watching characters lives go through school and sometimes afterward, reminds me of my own life and the way so may friends and peers went. Some went the way of college, others took time off to find themselves, some went into parenthood, into work, etc. It makes me sit back and compare the days of characters to my own experiences in high school and its similarities. I think about those days past who I was in high school and the differences between now and then from high school and onward. I wouldn't say I was unpopular but I wasn't part of the "In crowd" around the school. I had my own group of friends and we were just us. I remember the dumb conversations and the dumb jokes we had, all usually the same daily ones. It was fun and it was us.  As the main character, I would definitely be the kind who is "not very good at sports, studying or romance." Perfect for someone to be thrust into a life of adventure right?

I think back about my time alone back then that was mostly with homework or dicking around online with webcomics, youtube, or talking about recent videogames with friends. Heck, this was the day of myspace so I'll let you think about how cool we were back then! But that was back then and this is now. I think of the person I was back then. Full of arrogance, a know it all, energetic, adventurous. It, sort of brings me down sometimes you know? I think back to those years and wonder "man did I just waste my time"? Did I waste my youthful days? I think of that now, at 31, in the position I'm in and my answer now would be yes. 

I think back at how adventurous I COULD'VE been, how I could've taken more risks, gone out more, experience more love and heartbreak, go to more events, shows, and out more. I think back to the hopeless romantic fool, who thought he knew about love and life. He's no there anymore though. The man today is tired, worried about the future, retirement, career going nowhere, bills, owning a home someday. I've been single for over a decade so let that teach you what I know about love. But that's just the person I am now. 

The person back then in high school, at the end of college, 5 years ago and today are all different people. I guess people are like seasons. They change. People move, comics end, jokes get replaced, hobbies and interests die and new ones bloom. We change. We all do. I supposed the nostalgia I'm always feeling is simply from me not liking myself much now. At least the person in the current place. But things change. Seasons change. 

The day will come when I'm a different person and life will be different. I do wish that I had more time I guess? More time to experience those things I feel I missed out on you know?  I think about the main characters and side characters in my manga who go do things and have experiences and think "why not me?" Well, why not me? It isn't too late, is it? I think this is more of a messy venting of "it's never too late to go forward or change" as I feel nostalgic for the old days. I think I feel nostalgic now because things aren't where I want to be. But they can be, will be, might be. I guess I can't be nostalgic forever and things change, like seasons. 

Forever young
I want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever?
Forever, and ever-Alphaville "Forever young"