One of my favorite movies growing up was "Hook", starring Robin Williams. I cannot begin to tell you how many times I watched that movie and the fond memories I have of it. It filled me with wonder because it had adventure, action, humor, and I think my younger sister and I both wanted to be lost boys. It is a fun childhood memory. As I was starting to write this I remembered a scene from the film. In the movie, Robin Williams plays a grown-up Peter Pan who has to save his children from the clutches of the villain, Captain Hook. As Peter fights to find his way back to being Peter Pan there is a scene where he looks at his reflection in a pool of water and sees not himself, as an adult, but his inner Peter Pan, the young, adventurous never grow up boy. I set this all up to tell you about seeing an old, younger, familiar face in the mirror last night.
I hadn't seen that face in a long time. Life hasn't been kind and looking into the mirror I saw the younger, full of optimism, bright-eyed young man I knew a long time ago. Full of wonder about the world, a hopeless romantic. I had graduated high school, I was in college, and believing everything I'd been taught the world was ripe for the taking. That young man that I used to be was so full of hope. A bit of an embarrassment really, when I think back and remember the things I would do. The inspiration from this came from me thinking about my journaling through the years and the things I would write about.
The first journal contained my "deep" musings about life, the relationships I wanted, the woman I "loved" and hopeless optimism in the face of me being a recently graduated high schooler with ZERO life experience. I stumbled across it and thought to myself "where did that guy go? Why am I not like this anymore?" The answer I finally got was, I grew up.
People change. Everything changes. No one is who they are when they were 18 or 21 (at least I am not at 31 going 32). I always thought it was a bad thing that I wasn't that guy anymore. That I wasn't so full of hope, a hopeless romantic, or had this can do anything attitude. It's only now that I realize that simply I grew into a different person and changed. Sure, there's still inklings of that young man still in me. Still the desire to see the world, still the desire to fight forward, and even embers of the passionate romantic who wrote poetry.
But life happened. Things happened. Things that would require me to grow, change and adapt. We all have to grow, to mature into the person we're meant to be. We can't handle the storms that come our way if we don't learn from the mistakes, experiences, and life lessons we go through. It's meant to better us and we have to resist the urge to grow bitter and resentful from it. Instead of stomping my foot and saying "That's not fair!" I have to learn how to weather the storms and remind myself of the truth: That's life and even though there are low points, God is still there.
That young man had to grow and change. I am still that boy but now I am a man. I need to shed off my bitterness and embrace the change.
