"You're not in control. I AM" That is what a much younger me wrote years ago in one of my journal entries as I talked with God. The Holy Spirit spoke to me with a harsh reminder. During this time I had gone through some significant troubles and learned the lesson of allowing God to control the reigns of my life, that he was in control and I had to believe and have faith that what He said was true. This was a reminder of that lesson during my questioning of God and that I was simply scared. Scared of the unforeseen future. I mean it makes sense, life took a toll on me. My grandparents, father, and brother passing away. Life heaped a heavy lump of hot coal on my head and told me to march.
I guess I was right to be scared. because how could I have gone forward with faith if I knew what was going to happen? How can I go forward now in my faith still not knowing what could happen? Faith. Faith in God that everything is in His command and court. Because for all of the wrong things that happened, good things came about too. I should try and remember THOSE more often than the bad. Isn't that what it's all about?
I even commented in this writing about "am I supposed to just look back on these things and learn from them?!" The answer, I have discovered is a loud, roaring YES. I am supposed to grow, to learn. It's what I am meant to do. To trust God, and go forward. Where else can I go? What else can I do?
