So Long

 A few weeks ago, I ran into an old friend I hadn't seen in forever at a store I was shopping at. To say I was happy and surprised to see her is an understatement. I can still feel the smile I had on my face from seeing and talking to her. It was a great moment. So why does it feel so wrong now? 

As soon as we walked away from each other, it came creeping up. "She wasn't as happy to see you as you were happy to see her." I pushed the thought away, but it kept playing in my mind. I walked away, smiling. I turned and looked, and there she was, continuing her shopping as if nothing had happened to change her day at all. I thought it was a monumental moment, but to her, it was, well, whatever. 

I shouldn't be surprised when I write this, but I haven't heard from her in a while now. We actually had been talking back and forth on social media for a few weeks, reconnecting, when I saw her. Since then? Radio Silence. At first, I felt that it was just a negative thought trying to take root. Now, it was a warning, a reminder. Those things had changed so long ago between us after an event, and so did our friendship. 

Honestly, I always tried to get us back to where we were before, but it just never happened. Nothing ever worked; she was always at arm's length away, and now I feel like it's an entire country's length away. So, here I am, ranting and raving about it because it's better than facing the truths I keep trying to push away. 

I...am hurt. I feel unseen and shunned. She's done it before. Made me feel as though I am not even a second-place prize but nothing more than a participation trophy! Because there's always SOMEONE ELSE that comes, and she reminds me that I'm only here until something better comes along. I never wanted to face those feelings because it was easier to think I could fix whatever was wrong and go back to the way things were. but, truth be told, I am so tired of getting my hopes up and thinking that we could go back to how it was. 

I hold onto that memory of who you were, but it is nothing more than a molted skin, and now you are someone else entirely. I tried to embrace the new you, and it's clear that I'm not wanted. I'll take the hint, I'll stop trying, and I hope you're happy. I do, because I hope you are satisfied with who you are today. I want you to be nothing but happy. It is a shame I can't be a part of it. 

Times They Are A Changin

 Whoa. Well, here I am again. It's been a long while, hasn't it? A lot has changed, and life has flowed on. I don't know why I'm here. It always helped me clear my head when I blogged, and so I decided to try it again. So, hello, I'm Robert. Let's continue. 

The best thoughts to process first are about nostalgia, that bittersweet fruit that seems to be on everyone's mind these days. I see it all over social media. The old cartoons and shows, the old food and snacks, even talking about schooldays! I didn't care for school much because it got in the way of all those other things people think of when talking about nostalgia. But I did enjoy the social aspect of it. Seeing friends, the school events, the feelings on Fridays, Holidays, and that legendary last day for summer break (it was short-lived; I was constantly in summer school)! 

But recently, it's been hitting me extra hard, and I've really noticed how many years have passed. I recognize my street, the other streets, neighbors' houses, but it's the differences that I've started to notice. Houses are getting painted, new street signs are being installed, new neighbors are moving in, and new people are arriving. It's the same and yet different. The feelings that are so ingrained in my emotions and mind from the past are struggling to keep up with it all. 

I think of the way the sun's rays felt years ago, and now it all feels so different. It could be because of the change within me, rather than the world around me. I HAVE changed. I had to, needed to, to truly handle the responsibility I have. All these feelings stem from my journey toward becoming the adult I am, and my distance from the child/young man I was so long ago. 

So, onward, to the character development.