Thank you, Mr. Lewis

Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis

The other day i was browsing through tumblr's (yes I have a tumblr and no i do not actually use it for any other means other than collecting pictures) and came across one that was dedicated to C.S. Lewis. Curious I clicked and went through and found something simply amazing. It was quotes upon quotes upon quotes by Lewis. Reading each one drew something up inside me. It was as if my heart had grown old and withered but this revitalized it, bringing it back to life and beating again. As if new blood was poured inside and I could feel it. I felt alive again. i felt anew like I was re-awoken form a bad dream.

Recently God has been teaching

me about patience. I want to go back to my original college but i have to take classes and wait. I want to read the word more and get closer to God but i have to take baby steps and wait. I want to find that woman in my life who I will marry, and love but i have to grow up and love God first and I have to wait. It takes time and baby steps and it doesn't happen all at once. I dislike that of course. I live in a culture where everything is now, now now! There is never any waiting, any struggling any working for it anymore. But now i have to learn all of this right now. That's how lessons work with God. It's like being a child and your Father is teaching you. teaching you things you eventually will say to "that was so easy how did I not get that before?!"

That's life though. And its like that because God decided I was to be His son. So why do i expect anything else? Anything else bu

t God's will. Other thoughts have been floating in my head too. I think I'd like to change how I look. Not plastic surgery, of course but the way I dress. I know many might say its not me being honest or true to myself but isn't it? I mean is the way I dress now any mush of a truth? I look intimidating at times but is that me? No, its not. I've gone and tried going out without my necklaces, my rings and bracelets in another color than black and you know what? it wasn't so bad. I keep thinking "what if I meet someone who dresses the same way but I can't relate to them because I'm not dressed the same?" So what if i'm not? How hard is it to connect to a person through something other than clothing?

I suppose this is me growing

up. I remember some of what my friend Mary Ann wrote once. She wrote a blog that had spoken of how she felt a change in her, in who she was becoming. I also sympathize with the lyrics to "wake me up when september ends" by Green Day. I don't know it just seems life every day is shaping who we are to become. And you can go with the flow or fight the current. Many might say that i'm betraying myself or who i am by going with the current, that I should fight against it to continue being myself but we change. That's the whole thing with life. We change and we learn. I've changed and its taken time. But I have to thank Mr. Lewis for his contribution. even if he may never know it. It helped. And most of all I have to thank God.

There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.-C.S. Lewis