With Arms Wide Open

I think I got it now. Yeah I do. I don't believe I can be loved. I have to live everyday with the memories, the scars, the knowledge of hat i have done. All of the things i've done, said, thought, all of it. Every single bit and the voices inside remind me. Everyday, every night, and just whenever the opportunity arises. I know what I have done and if people, friends, family, if they ever knew they'd stop loving me too.

That's where the rest comes in. My constant thought of people knowing, leaving me and being alone. Which is why I don't believe anyone can love me and so the ever looming fear of being left alone. I cannot, do not love myself and I believe that no one can love me. Finish it off that...i mean. How can God love me? I know he does. He does! but...I've just done such evil. God has forgiven me but how can I forgive myself? Do I just bury it all inside? Do I dare address it all? Confess to so many people I have hurt? Why? Why does it have to be difficult this way?