Been Gone For So Long

It's been a long while since I posted. I've got another blog on tumblr I use though that is more me reblogging pictures and such than me writing. Blogger will be my true love though because I've missed writing and believing someone might actually read what i write and even if they do not its an archive of my adventures and my struggles. Much like the one I will be writing about here.

I'm writing here now because I just...feel so far from God. I've felt I've known for a while what it meant to be a Christian. What i had to do, what I had to believe, what i had to strive to pray for and so on and so forth. But now I feel so far away. Have I been doing the whole religious thing? have I allowed it to become a set of rules and regulations instead of a transforming relationship? Yeah I think so. I just stopped seeing it as God involved in my life and more as myself involved like it's some self help book instructions as opposed to "hey this is literally the word of God!". And because of that I have failed time and time again.

I suppose its good I have come to this realization. The year is fast ending and this is the sort of time to take stock in everything. In what the year has held for myself in my life. The changes, whether good or bad and all that has happened. Getting all of this off my chest might really help me but I know where the true answers lie it's just my lazy, sinful, unmotivated human nature to neglect what I know is good. That's one thing I do hate about myself that i want to change. A lot has happened and in the coming weeks I will write about it in no doubt what will be my end of the year post.

I just need to spend more time with God. I'm alone a lot of the time anymore. Family and home issues require me to stay close and along with my friends having busy lives between work and relationships it does not give me a lot of human interaction besides my family. So the only other interaction is at church and again due to home responsibilities I cannot spend as much time at church as I hope and want. if I cannot then shouldn't I be spending the time I do have here in something constructive?  i should be reading and meditating daily upon the word of God. But I don't thought I should. i dunno. it is something i need ot work on. not by my own strength but by God's.

I created this blog to catalog my journey and that's what I plan to do. So I'm back now hopefully to regularly posting and the journey continues...