Change

So I decided I really have to take initiative and discipline myself a lot better with managing my time and journaling/writing more. I feel as though a lot of my thoughts are scattered about and that's because I'm just not taking my time to sit down and put them into order. My habits are sporadic and bad to say the least and usually lead me to making ill choices in my day. I spend waaaaaaay too much time on this stupid machine and with tumblr (a site that consumes your brain cells and I do hardly any actual writing on) an dust become complacent and lazy. Well no more. I am going to star living, and enjoying life! I find myself bored because I have confined my interests and behavior with this machine instead of outside it.

What happened to me reading books that wrapped their grip around me? What happened to me spending actual time in my Bible? Man I gotta fix myself! I've been poisoning myself all along! Been vegetating to this machine for far too long. I gotta spend my time away. Ugh it's a long road and it's laaame. But I gotta do it. i don't much like myself. There's a lot of me that I dislike in fact. Sure there are good parts but they're overshadowed by everything that's wrong. So here's to discipline and getting taught all over again. Wish me luck, throw down some prayers.

A time of fasting

So each year my church starts what is called a "Daniel Fast". It's a time of fasting from food and seeking God, usually following the example of Daniel and his friends during Israel's time in Babylon. We essentially go full vegetarian (though organic wheat bread is allowed and such other things like rice, beans,etc.) and just take a time of prayer and seeking God. Now there are those that can't do it for health reasons so of course we're not going to be legalistic about it and other things can be chosen to be fasting from. I myself, though not medically inclined to do so, chose to take a time of fasting from the internet. 

Why? because out of all things, my computer/internet is what plays a big role in my life. I blog, I watch videos on youtube and spend ridiculous amounts of time on tumblr and Facebook. This obviously is an issue so I take a break (about 3 weeks) from being online. During this time I tried praying and seeking God for a word. I wrote quite a bit and will, with time and studying, be posting some of what I encountered from God here. 

The first thing I encountered was a realization of the change i experienced while being away from the internet. Since fasting I find my mind to be…quiet. I don't really know how to explain it. it's like a shelf that's less cluttered. As if everything that was on there was loud, vibrant and fluctuating but now it's calm and serene like a still pool of water. I find that my focus is better and I can better focus on tasks at hand.

That is to say that my mind doesn't still call out for the desire of the internet. It does but outside of that my mind is strangely calm. I can better order my thoughts without the need of having a website in front of me constantly blaring and numbing my mind. I find myself more up and active, taking charge of more tasks at hand and doing more about my house than staring at my computer or phone screen.