A ray of hope..

Is still just like a ray of sunshine. Beautiful to look at and it makes you warm but it only takes one cloud to mess it all up. See, that's how i feel. Every time it feels like i am ina good place, or somehting is going my way, or that I may even be getting closer to the girl I like it all shatters like glass. Whether it be my grades scaring me, the fact that the girl I asked out STILL hasn't given me an answer after about 2 months, and...okay well those ar ethe only things but still it sucks greatly. Stupid brain. Oh how I hate thee.

Looking up...Really?

So thing srae finally looking up for me! Last nights production went great and the choir rocked the house but it was all for God's glory and through his Will. Saw my friend Kristina, which was awesome because I haven't seen her in so long. Today is a study day for me, preparing for one of my difficult finals that I'll be having in 2 weeks time in Greek. Fuuun. Not. I have Monster to fuel my resolve though so I'm good for now. Other than that not much just living life some more for another day.

Lately

Stress and I have been continuing our relationship for quite sometime now. What with finals coming up, a failing class, and bets of all my churches choir event which is tonight luckily and so I can worry about one less thing. Add in the mix that I am signed up fro only 11 out of the possible 17 units I am supposed to have. Lame. Epic lame. But soon relaxation and I will be friends. Because my friend and I will be enjoying vacation when we go hang out down in San Pedro in a few weeks. Which is good for the both of us because with so much happening in our families recently it'll be good to get away from home for a bit. We both really need it. Then again I get the feeling that this is just not a good time for anyone really right now. Seems like everyone has something going on lately and I think everyone needs a great big vacation. I know I do. Luckily I have tea and some good music to chill me out. Always a plus. So let's all breakout the tea, coffee or Monster or whatever your choice of poison is and lets put on some easy going relaxing music, kick back and relax.

In the end...

It was my fault.

So a few weeks ago I was dancing on air. I had actually gone up and asked the girl I liked out to her face ( a big deal for a guy doing this for the first time after so many confessions over phones)and even though she said no she did say that she liked me. I was excited because I had been wanting to ask for a while but hadn't the guts. So ends well right? Wrong. Now since then I have barely talked to her. I mean we were texting constantly and now? Its been a while since I received a text. Sure I could text her but I don't even know the first thing to say. "Hi! How have you been since I asked you out?" I think not. I have no clue if anything is going to happen between us but if our friendship is going to suffer like this I'd rather we stay friends. It sycks. I think I should start texting her like we used to and just see where things go. Gah it sucks.

Just ranting...again

Ugh. Memories. I hate them. Even the happy ones. Why? Because you eventually realize you can't relive them and then you get emo. Like me. Memories of my years in school and outside of school have plagued me recently. Why? I don't know. Could be the music I've been subjecting myself to. My lack of fun, my lack of money to have fun and just really anything about recent life. Sucks. School is trying to kill me but then again anyone in school now or reallly has ever been in school know that. Midterms, papers, long lectures,and just torture. No fun. Especially when I have a day off and forget the majority of my homework and have a nice pile waiting for me to get done. Like I do right now. Ugh. Add that to family issues, my own personal demons attacking me (not in the physical iteral sense) and just other crap and voila you have an iminient break down. But there is music which can save me so that is a plus. I'd like to thank Steve Jobs for the Ipod and Skullcandy for their headphones. There was Halloween this week so that was a plus since it involved candy, 32 ounce monster, movies and free Tacos. Win right? Yeah up till a certain point and then its back to the slump. Crap.

Soundtrack to life

Everyone has one? Here's mine what's yours?

Opening: Three Little Birds-Bob Marley
A day: Mad World-Gary Jules
friends: What's my age again?-Blink 182
First date: Always-Blink 182
Love Scene: Calling you-Blue October
Secret love: Dirty Little Secret-All American Rejects
Fight:Someday: Better Than me-Hinder
Break up: Do you know?-Enrique Iglesias
Life's OK: C'mon C'mon- The Von blondies
Mental Breakdown: Jesus of Suburbia-Green day
Learning a lesson: I so hate consequences-Reliant K
Deep thought: Sadness and sorrow
Flashback: Are you alright?-Lucinda Williams
Happy dance:
Regretting: Weight of the world-Blue October
Long Night alone: Something in the way-Nirvana
Death Scene: Pieces-Sum 41
Closing credits: Organization XIII (piano), You can't always get what you want (Rolling Stones) and Through her eyes (Dream theater)

And that kids is life

GAAAHHH!!!!!

Now first off let me start by saying that I love my family, I really do. But after experiencing the freedom of living by myself on campus for two years and then moving back home because it would be cheaper than living on campus. Even so I regret my decision greatly. Not only are there more distractions at home (tv, faster internet, more comfortable beds, better food) I am constantly annoyed by my family’s bickering. I cannot begin to tell you how much it gets on my nerves. And of course I cannot complain or I’ll hurt someone’s feelings or be seen as a bully or some crap like that. I hate it. I don’t get the same freedoms as I usually would either as I would on campus. No curfew, no being forced to sleep when I’m studying late (yes I actually have been) and just completely other stupid things. I can’t stand it. What’s worse are the constant comment about my choice of career and whether or not I will be making money. I am not in it for the money. Sure I would like a job and make money but I just want enough to support my family and I when I have one. So my new decision to continue my schooling in another state (Colorado to be exact) has gotten me some interesting new comments. I don’t think any of my friends have even commented as much as my family. They’re driving me insane. What’s worse when I mention I will be staying late at school to do group studying or work on a group project I get complaints that I’ll be too late to pick me up (I am currently immobile at the moment) and I get complaints. Yes, I see how t would be a problem but what am I to do? Not go and get a lessened grade and fail the class? Yeah I don’t think so. What is worse is the comments on the gas money and my lack of a job to help with the money. I couldn’t work if I could with the fact I have no car, and I’m swamped with a bunch of units. It would be a lot easier but my parents refuse to acknowledge the fact that I could stay at school if all I did was stay in my friends rooms and move around since they say its ok. I am getting sick and tired of it all. All of the schoolwork is killing me and I’m under pressure to raise my GPA so I’m off probation then next semester to collect as many unit credits to keep my financial aid. Its driving me insane and I need a vacation.

I hate...

Homework. It has probably been the worst pain in my side since I can remember. Want ot hang out with friends? Nope, you can't. Why? Homework. Want to relax, kick back, watch highlights of the game? You can't. why? EFFING HOMEWORK. I hate homework.

A special dedication...

To my dear friend Trevor since he has decided he wanted a blog to be written by my friend Kellen about his wang. But Kellen could not do it. So I have taken up the cause to write (not really since let's face it I know nothing about it so yes) and dedicate it to him. So yes Trevor I wrote a blog...about your wang. Still thinking of what to write about Kellen though. I vote what we talked abut at lunch.

A complaint

Against my high school. They had their issues but none I've seen more than their issues with PDA (public display of affection). You see we did not hold hands in public at my high school and we did not kiss or even give a hug that may have been interpreted as risque. If you were caught you were given a nice slip of paper saying you were receiving a detention and what the offense was. Wonderful. Well the answer: Do everything in secret. Hide behind corners, hold hands under tables, etc. Well I have recently realized that this type of rule enforcement has ruined me and my fellow peers. We were constricted so tightly that we never really progressed form the relationship mentality we were forced to have then. Then as we left we found a sort of freedom. With that we went wild and free. Sure we went about it the wrong way but we were free. Free to show we cared. Some though reacted in extreme ways that changed their lives where they're either married and/or have children now. Well, I've noticed in college things are different in many different ways. People go freely and it is not in a manner where we are eating faces or cleaning them like a lioness cleans her cubs. They just calmly went along, holding hands, talking, lightly kissing and so on. Its a normal, acceptable thing though obvious face cleaning is not allowed. Its just such a carefree environment where though enforced in a manner it is acceptable amongst everyone. I feel this is the way society is accepting of how much PDA is allowed outside. I feel perhaps if my highschool were a bit more lenient on their rules maybe everyone would not have been so secretive and ended up in the situation they are in today. Those years are pivital in a young persons life in experiencing romance and those feelings and then to go off and restrict them in boundaries that sort of suffocate them from expressing themselves. I'm not syaing let them have free reign or anything but at least be a little more lenient on how they can express themselves. Hand holding, hugging sure okay and if you want maybe kissing but if not then that is fine too since maybe you want some limitations but taking away any form of expression that is physical? I mean if you are afraid of them ending up doing something you might as well make sure they never say hello to each other in meeting since even hello can lead to any of the incidents that can happen. My school has sort of stunted our romantic growth from learning any of the lessons we could from failed relationships or long term relationships. Then when you are free you go crazy and let those hormones rage ou.

Technologic...

In today's day and age we have many different items to help keep usin touch. Phones, computers, emails, text messaging, etc. One thing though that I've noticed that has been starting to be forsaken is the human side of it all. How often do we sit down to have face to face conversations in our busy lives? We skip spending times with our friends and family and use a little text message or email to catch up. Well in my experience that only goes so far. I have messaged man peole and texted them to only have them suddenly disappear. Why? Not everyone will be on their pone 24/7 or on their email so right there the quick and easy way you found becomes a little more complicated. Really what I want to say is that we need to just stop sometimes to say hello or to grab a quick chat and see each other face to face because a digitized screen can only go so far. Cut out the machine and embrace the human. We're more than a phone.

Never enough

Time. You ever hear that? I find it to be true as of late. Why? Well now that I commute to school and no longer live on campus I find it hard to keep track of friends. Life has happened and everyone is busy. My friend who is a biochem major for instance has 6 hours of lab Mondays and Wednesdays. So I never get to really see him though I do occasionally run into him. Just one of the many examples of me never seeing my friends and it sucks. I really wish I could see them more often but everyone has a busy schedule and it seems more and more like we never see anyone. I think life has just been picking up and we have no real time right now. So hopefully things will slow down and we'll be able to hang out more and if not there's always next semester.

I seriously need...

A new camera. My old one went bye-bye when I unfortunately cracked the screen. Well that wasn't so bad I could still take pictures up until a while ago when it will turn on but that's it. No more picture taking which sucks. So I have been on a search for a new camera. I've only owned the one which was a Canon so I thought I'd stick with that and have gone on a search. I've decided I want an awesome camera to take awesome pics. Problem is awesome camera equals awesome money. So I have to wait till I find work and save up for a few years since I also need money for school. Oh the joys of money. I think i did find a camera so now all I have to do is wait till i can afford it. I hate waiting.

So this is new...

Yes this actually a new blog I have created. i felt my first blog "Ramblings" was getting a bit too full so I decided to start some here. Don't get me wrong I will still blog in Ramblings at times I just didn't want it to look like my full focus was there so now I am trying to edit up drafts and post them in my others as well. I may be also transferring some posts from Ramblings but not so sure yet. Well till I post more please enjoy my other blogs and leave comments or suggestions.

Thank you.