You can't

Always get what you want. Yeah isn't that the truth? There are just times when I think that i am so close to getting something and yet poof it disappears. Usually because I realize the truth you know? That I'll never get what I want. But even despite that i am appreciative of what I have. Even if its not exactly what i want it is better than to have something that could be disastrous. Ha ha ha worst part is the control so i kinda need to work on that. I guess I just need to work on it with the time I have.

Pieces

Man all this crap going on in life recently. I'm thinking I am going to need some type of glue. My mask is tearing and breaking and I need it to keep up appearances. Any idea where I can get some of that glue? Can't let anyone see who is under here. Not yet.

I remembered

I never posted about how my Valentine's day went. Well other than going to church, it was boring. Another day. So my friend and I decided we are going to brainwash our children against Valentine's day. Another day for the corporations to make money off of other people's emotions. Most won't even be together a month later, let alone to next year. I know I come off as a cynic but hey come on, after 6 failed relationships you'd be grumpy too. But oh well. maybe next year will go better with me doing something fun other than church. What is that? Good question!

Lame

You know what's lame? Drama. Yes that thorn in just about everyone's side known as drama. It sucks and there was once a time when I thought I'd be free form drama. I was sure that college students were far too mature for drama to interfere. Boy was I wrong. It seems that the drama is worse than it was in high school. Worst of all its over simple misunderstandings and misinterpretation of intent and everything. If people would just talk about it we'd be better off. Alas, we don't have that type of luck. So, until then, it's lame. Oh, and to better describe how drama feels I decided to use a reference from a movie. So start at 4:35 till 4:50. Notice what he said about the killer? Yeah that's what drama does to every single one of us. Joy.

Peace? What Peace?

Only Time

I hate that there are days where I can't stop thinking about you. Sometimes I hear a song and all i can think of is you. I think of when we used to be happy. When we were together and I think of how much I loved you. The worst part is I still do but you aren't you anymore. You're someone else I know I can't be with. We've both changed and I hate it. Sometimes i wish we could have grown together and still been together but I guess it wasn't meant to be. So I guess I'm bound to laying in bed alone with these tears threatening to spill out my eyes. Because I remember you. You've moved on but I haven't. My only comfort is knowing someday I will meet and incredible woman who will love me and I her and that love will be the love to overshadow who you once were.

I will keep calling you to see
If you're sleeping, are you dreaming
If you're dreaming, are you dreaming of me
-Blue October

First year

Yes I see it on the horizon: Valentines day. And as I sit here I can't help but think back on all of the Valentine's Day's I've shared with people I can't help but feel empty. I try to think back, I really do on those romantic and special days but nothing. Why? Because it was always one sided. I don't think any of my past girlfriends have ever given me anything on Valentine's Day. Except maybe an empty wallet. Sure people try to say its a day when you pamper your sweetheart but I mean how hard is it to get something in return? A card? Some candy maybe? Anything! But no. I know we should appreciate the fact that our sweetheart is feeling al happy and special but guess what sometime we men want to feel appreciated too! I mean in truth I almost never received anything gift wise from a girlfriend. That would have been never except one girlfriend did give me a candle and another gave me a shirt and a pair of boots but still! That's it! Two separate occasions out of the 6 women I have dated. now with Valentine's Day approaching I can't help but feel lonely, sad, depressed. There is a lacking in me you know? A sort of unfulfilled portion of me. I think its also because I put myself out there, did something romantic for them and only to have it end in horrible, horrible fire. It sucks. I wish it didn't but it does. I feel this urge to go out and get a gf just for Valentine's Day but I know that would just go bad. Well first Valentine's day along might not be so bad once it passes. Guess we'll see.