the end of peace

It was going well for so long. Sure there were ups and downs but those were the normal ones. then this morning it was all broken, seemed like all of it was undone. For some reason, today which began like most days, went wrong so fast. My brother decided he'd slip back into his old self. Slept all day, didn't help my mother with anything, talked about leaving and living on the street, etc. It takes a toll on my mother as she is frustrated and saddened by his words and lack of action. He was doing well but just today...I don't know.

Perhaps its the weather? yesterday I was in a mood of depression a bit before being cheered up but just...I don't know. Could have been an off day. I don't know what set him off but today just wasn't a good day. To make matters worse my own old self reared its head. The thoughts slipped back to the things I said I wouldn't do and I needed an outlet but had none. I felt like I needed to just relieve it all and be b

ad. Just one last time. But even now writing this I have that feeling still because there is just no getting rid of it till it runs its course.

All in all, its an off day. No one is happy, or pleased here. It sucks but I supposed thats the cards I was dealt for the day and just...man it sucks so much! I just wanna let go! just for a little bit but..no one, nothing to be evil with. Meh. Oh well. No tackling my bad self tonight.