With some time

I am so sick and tired fo wanting romance and wanting somebody! Its frustrating. I constantly wish someone would drop form the sky and boom we would have our own quirky romance story. But it's not like that. It can;t be like that. In a relationship its not supposed to be about what you want but you're supposed to be there for the other person. I want to feel like I am wanted, like someone cares but its not supposed to be about how I feel.

I try to compare ad make it more like my relationship with Christ. I deny myself to do God's will, to give everything I am. I'm not supposed to do it for God's gift He gives me, but for God alone and because i love Him. I suppose even in relationships you have deny yourself as much as in your relationship with God. I try and think of this but I don't have the answer. That's why i don't and won't date. I don't have the answers. Not even to the questions of God or about myself. There's a lot in me I need to change before I get involved with someone.

I'm pretty messed up on the inside. I'm fickle, emotionally unstable, depressed, but I know I am better, than I was before and i am getting there slowly and yeah I know I'll get there someday with God's guidance and help. I suppose I need patience (why is that always the underlining message I have to learn) and wait until my turn comes. I have a list of priorities and I suppose if i focus on that list one item at a time I'll get their eventually.