Countdown from the past

Found two of my old phones today and decided to try to get them working. I wanted to see what, after all these years I'd left on them. After finding some USB cables and attaching it to my computer I was in business. I was also in for a hit to the chest. Texts. A wall of them from years ago. Texts from when i was in school and friends and I would make dinner plans and try and find time to hang out. It seems forever ago now with most either moved, married or already having kids. It feels like lifetimes ago. Then there's all the other texts from a person we'll refer to as "Lois". Seeing all those texts just took me back. The heck happened to us? The people we were then and the people we are now...I guess life does things to you. You grow, you move forward in ways and you change. Seeing what you and i were back then. Its funny to think we were those people and the billion texts we sent each other compared to now where we don't even talk anymore. The heck happened.

The nostalgia punched me in the face today. Has it really been so long already? Sometimes I feel time stopped in 2007 when I graduated high school. Like everything was left behind then and a part of me was left behind as well. Most times when I try and figure out how long something has been I count it off from 07 when I graduated. And here i am today. I need to take a long look at myself. And where I wanna go and what i wanna do.

Letting Go

Today in church our guest speaker spoke about letting something go that we had desired in our life above our desires of Christ. For me, this was my desire for a relationship and marriage. In recent weeks with the birth of my third great niece, and birth of my friends first child, its made me think of marriage and starting a family more and more. I think of what I might have in the future and that excites me. But in reality i think I'v been using my obedience to Christ as a means to an end. The end being me being married and in a relationship.

I know in Christ I am to be filled, and made whole but…there's parts I haven't fully given over in my heart. One of them being my belief that the Lord will send a person to me who'll fix me. This person will be everything I want and need in order to be whole and full. But that belief is being torn down slowly. Especially after today with giving it up. AFter the service I was reminded of this:

You don’t need to be married to be fulfilled. Don’t make an idol out of your dream. Your identity is found in Christ, not a ring, a wedding, and romanticism. If it’s going to happen, God will make it happen. If it doesn’t happen, then God made that so. Either way, you’re cool and in the Hands of your Maker. 

And now here I am staring at my screen thinking to myself "what now?". Because I am a hopeless romantic. I am in love with love and the things of love. the warm fuzzes, the romantic gestures, the dreams of a wedding, and an eternal life together making it all work, day by day. Yet now I've decided to give that up to say to God: "Lord, let you be the pinnacle, the peak, the only high point and entirety of my life!" Now I make it so that I strive to attain the truth:

Matthew 22:36-40New International Version (NIV)

36 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

Now I learn to be content, to be whole, happy and complete in Christ. Now I seek Him, to complete me. I don't know whether or not I'll ever get married or have children but I put it all in God's hands and rely on Him. 

Unfathomable depths

All day yesterday my mind was constantly on the fact that it was Good Friday. That on that day thousands of years ago Jesus went to the cross for me. And I cannot, to this day fathom how major that is. When I first heard about Jesus and his dying for my sins i was a kid and it was even more confusing to me then. All I understood was that some guy had gone and died for me. I didn’t understand why. I mean what had he done to deserve that? Why did he die for me, if he was innocent? What was it that made me so deserving that He’d go and die for me? It wasn’t right, it wasn’t fair. Now I understand why. It was love. 

Love that drove Him to continue onward despite knowing what was to come. Jesus could’ve checked out at anytime. He could’ve brought angels down form the heavens to tend to his wounds on the cross and show the glory of the Lord to the masses that day. Jesus also could’ve checked out at the garden of gethsemane. Jesus could’ve gone “Look this is a little much and I’m sorry but they’re not heir own!”.  In the movie “The Last Temptation of Christ” it shows a scene at the end where Jesus does check out. He comes off the cross, marries Mary Magdalene and lives a happy life as a carpenter. 

But the word is plunged in darkness. Mankind is in constant evil, turmoil and war with no hope. EVil abounds and Satan won. But you realize the end of the movie is actually a vision and Jesus is still on the cross, paying for the sins of the world in love and obedience. That’s another thing too that drove Him. The Father’s will and understanding of it by the Holy Spirit. Jesus knew it was the Father’s will, that it’d hurt and He still went forward.

I cannot fathom that. Any of it. how powerful, how strong, how AMAZING is the love of God for us? That Jesus went to the cross, that God loved us and gave His only Son and that by His death the Holy Spirit lives in us and we are called children of the living God?! WHAT? No way. My sin put him there and He stills loves me. That’s major and so unfathomable. Yet here I am, and here we all are. Saved by his sacrifice. Saved by holy and innocent blood. I am so undeserving and so often unthankful.  Yet He loved me and gave Himself for me. Oh thank you Lord. 

The good news

Christ's life an ministry began and ended the same way. By a declaration of good news. In the christmas story we hear it declared by heavenly hosts that:

Luke 2:8-14
8 That night there were shepherds staying in the fields nearby, guarding their flocks of sheep. 9 Suddenly, an angel of the Lord appeared among them, and the radiance of the Lord's glory surrounded them. There were terrified, 10 but the angel of the reassured them. "Don't be afraid!" he said. "I bring you good news that will bring great joy to all people. 11 The Savior-yes, the Messiah, the Lord-has been born today in Bethlehem, the city of David!  12 And you will recognize him by this sign: You will find a baby wrapped snugly in strips of cloth, lying in a manger."

13 Suddenly, the angel was joined by a vast host of others-the armies of heaven-praising God and saying, 

14 "Glory to God in highest heaven, and peace on earth to those with whom God is pleased."

That's our beginning, an angel bringing the good message, like the Christmas song goes, "born to raise the sons of earth, born to give them second birth." This is the herald, the starting gun of the beginning of telling the world that the redeemer has come. Likewise, after the crucifixion of Christ, when Mary and…well Mary are headed to the tomb, they meet an angel who brings us the second good news. 

Mark 16:1-7                                                                                                                                       1 Saturday evening, when the Sabbath ended, Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James, and Salome went out and purchased burial spices so they could anoint Jesus’ body. 2 Very early on Sunday morning, just at sunrise, they went to the tomb. 3 On the way they were asking each other, “Who will roll away the stone for us from the entrance to the tomb?” 4 But as they arrived, they looked up and saw that the stone, which was very large, had already been rolled aside.

5 When they entered the tomb, they saw a young man clothed in a white robe sitting on the right side. The women were shocked, 6 but the angel said, “Don’t be alarmed. You are looking for Jesus of Nazareth,[b] who was crucified. He isn’t here! He is risen from the dead! Look, this is where they laid his body. 7 Now go and tell his disciples, including Peter, that Jesus is going ahead of you to Galilee. You will see him there, just as he told you before he died.”

Both of the accounts of angels brought, essentially, the same good news. One was for what was to come, the Savior and one was for the fulfillment of had come, Jesus' resurrection. I know everyone was mourning in the second part but their tears were dried with the good news that, Christ had been resurrected. Both these events changed people. Hope and fulfillment of hope is what Christ brought. How do we, in today's culture view it? Is it hope or a burden? 

Growth

Sometimes I feel life would be so much easier if I had a change of scenery. Really what I want to say is, I'd rather be alone for a while or just not as cramped like I feel I am. The days of being away from home and at college seems so far off, like a distant dream. I wonder how I was ever homesick sometimes with being here every single day. I feel like I am a plant that needs to stretch its arms out. I dunno I need some sort of growth, that's how I feel but I'm just not getting it. I wonder though is it myself or others that's really hindering it?

Life lessons part 1

One life lesson I am trying to incorporate for my life is the above picture. Every time someone tries and asks me to do something or makes a request for me to get up and do some work I try and remind myself of the above quote. A sort of "if you do it now, you won't suffer for it later" mentality to get me off my lazy butt. I found this at art of manliness and I definitely recommend them for their awesome posts. This has definitely inspired me and hopefully it helps some others too. 

I guess this is growing up Part 1

Spent the weekend hanging out with my buddy Josh at his new place he's been at for about 6 months now. We'd been trying to hang out for a while but due to the holidays and my being sick for a week and a half a while back it took us till now to finally hang out. Seeing how he's changed since living by himself surprised me. I always believed that living by yourself was an important step because then its not really relying on others like your siblings or parents but now the ball is in your court. At all times. You cook for yourself, you clean for yourself, you have to arrange your own appointments, manage your own bills, and yeah you might do that now but this is all added onto having your own home! 

Seeing him living by himself made me realize I have to really buckle down to try and get more of this whole adult thing down. I have the issue that I need to constantly stay on top of myself or have someone constantly reminding me of appointments, bills due, trying to save money and such things like that. It seems daunting an overwhelming sometimes. I ask myself "can I really do this? Can I handle all of this? There's a lot I don't understand.". My greatest fear is failing at life. Letting myself and family down and not amounting to anything because I'm a lazy idiot. I need to break away from my laziness. I need to change that and go and actually do what needs to be done. 

Each day is a chance to seize new opportunities. So I guess that's what I need to start doing. Actually getting up and doing. I got a long ways to go but heck there's 365 days in a year and man who knows how many years I got to figure it out but figure it out i shall. My buddy has inspired me to figure it out, get it done and actually be responsible. Thanks Josh.