Testament of a Man

 "What does it mean to be a man?" I remember asking myself that many, many years ago. I thought, at first, that it was when you lost your virginity as the thought was prevalent back years ago. Then I thought "it's just when you hit 21 and you're legally allowed to do whatever!". But there was always some yearning for understanding, truly understanding of what it meant to be a man. 

Years later I found a sort of answer. I'm not even certain of how I came to it really (I think I have that event recorded somewhere) but I came to the realization that: A man knows what he has to do and does it. Maybe it was some sort of inspirational post on social media, maybe it was from an article or website post but that was my answer. It's helped to motivate me away from my laziness and apathy to drive me forward. 

Later, during the time when my mother had her knee replaced I had full reign of the house and the responsibilities. It came down to "building a better man". I reached out previously and prayed "Lord make me a man and man of God!". I wanted to be the non-faith-driven version of man and a man worthy of being called "a man of God". I was given the challenge and I went for it pretty much meeting the challenge and I felt good about myself. 

This week though, I was faced with such a great challenge that it reminded me that, you're always learning, always growing and the lesson never truly stops. I was faced with a family crisis that really pushed me beyond my limits emotionally, physically and tested my faith even. At the moment this week, I felt weak, powerless and so very, very tired. But I kept the course. I sought the Lord in the moments where I had no control and felt powerless. I thought of two things. 

One, that old song, "leaning on everlasting arms", remind me where I had to draw strength from. I prayed like I never prayed before just completely at the mercy of everything at that moment. The second was a faint memory of the words "the fires of tribulation creates patience". I couldn't remember whether I heard that from a Pastor or from some post online but when I went searching I stumbled upon a bible verse. 

Romans 5:3-And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also, knowing that tribulation worketh patience;

That really hit me and got me going. I laid it all at the feet of God. Everything was in His hands because I had no answer, nothing at that moment. Things have gotten better and each day I am trying to rely on God, seeking the truth to keep myself going. because as a man of God I am learning that it isn't my strength but God's mercy, power, and love that kept me going and keeps me going. 

I don't know what else to say but I am thankful to God for leading me, teaching me to be a true, better man. The lessons continue. The character development continues.