Well crap

Yeah I messed up. Big time. Today ha snot been my day. Ugh. Lame. I suppose the bad Monday vibes made it to this Tuesday since yesterday was an okay day. Well crap I thought it wasn't a big deal but I should have been more considerate. I suppose this is the price my buddy and I pay for it. So messed up, just when things seemed up. Guess I just needed a reality check or something. A lot crap comin up from it though in my head getting reminded of stuff I thought I buried. Well isn't that just wonderful?

Curious people? Alright let me break it down. So I basically I introduced two of my friends to each other. Let us call one Mike and the Amy. Well Mike and Amy go to the same school and they see each other almost every day. Well Mike and I have a type of thing we do where when we see a pretty girl, we txt the other about it. Yeah I know we seem like pigs and everything for doing it but lets address that later. Well he has been texting me for a while about Amy and what she wears. MIke has been doing this occasionally and sporadically over the course of maybe two or three weeks.

Well today as I was texting Amy, she told me Mike accidently txted her a text meant for me, which, again catalogued what she was wearing. Amy was concerned Mike might be interested and she didn't feel the same way. In an attempt to quell her fears of being in an awkward situation I mentioned that she had nothing to fear that this was something he and I do (yes I know pigs, get over it) and she had nothing to fear. Amy then decided to ask about how often this happens. I responded, with best intentions, that it happened sporadically along the weeks, not too bad right? Wrong. Apparently I failed in my duty as a brother (as I see her as my sister). The main part that got me was the quoting of Edmund Burke at me. I live by this quote that "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." Now she was not calling Mike evil but was saying that what would it take for "good men" to stand up and do something.

Now she said that she forgave us both and nothing is wrong but I have known Amy long enough to know that, that is not the case that she is probably hurt and feels betrayed and violated in a way. I mean I can understand where she is coming from and i admit I did fail in my duty because part of it did bother me but I said nothing and I should have considered how she felt but, I just don;t know. Part of me understand but part of me wants to shout out "how dare you?" I'm human, I fall, I mess up, I fail. We all do. I feel as if I had some expectation on me not to be a guy who looks at girl and yes i do know it is already something I shouldn't do as a Christian but still I dunno. Its all so messed up right now and complete crap. So the next time my friends and I all hang out it'll be weird and awkward I just know it and just GAH! I hate my life right about now just because of my thought process I had days prior and just ugh! So stupid!

Now you may sling your comments of how I am a pig. No I am not looking for pity or being a martyr. Perhaps i am looking just for someone to talk to or perhaps someone who care to listen and understand. I dunno. So pathetic.