I would like to take this time

To wish everyone here on blogger a very Happy Thanksgiving and i hope your day is filled with blessings, family, and love. Have a wonderful day and give thanks, God Bless!

Friend, foe, or both?

One thing I never understood was how one minute people could absolutely dislike someone, telling other people how they screwed them over, go out of their way to avoid or ignore them and then suddenly start hanging out with them and being friends? It makes no sense! I have encountered this many times (usually with girls, no offense meant) and it doesn't make sense. For instance I know two girls who were at odds with each other, one not liking the other and vice versa for one reason or another and suddenly I see them going out, hanging out with each other. What the heck? When did this happen?

When did you suddenly become friends with this girl? I mean it doesn't make sense. Is it really a kiss and make up sort of thing? When did that memo go out? I mean you guys were both at odds so much before now going out and having fun. So strange. It perplexes me how they go form being so mean to being friendly. Is it an act? I mean why go through so much to like someone? Such strangeness or maybe they got over it just randomly? A mystery for our time.

Something must be wrong with me

One minute I am furious that you snapped at me and said what you said and the next minute I am forgiving you. *sigh* My friend was right. I'm a lover not a fighter. Probably will get me killed someday but oh well that is how it goes. So yes I have forgiven you. Though I wish i could make you understand how much it hurt when you said those things to me. But its forgiven and I will try to have it forgotten. Let's just go back please to being friends okay? :)

Oh and yes she sent me the picture as a way of apologizing as she knows how much I love the lights during the fall at my school.

unforgettable moments

So here i am. I feel many emotions as I sit here. I feel anger, sadness, betrayal, disgust, hurt and others I cannot even describe. Why? Why does a man feel any of these things? Because of a woman. Because, in the end, I was proven right. The good guy doesn't win, he dies, full of regrets. Oh he saved the world but at what cost? He lies there, no one to help him up, after he helped so many. Just lying there. So here I am, lying here, as everyone passes me by. And you don't care. I was used, again, it seems. There things, my brain and my heart, they have failed me. Yet I do not know what to do to/with them.

So here I am. After my times of helping you. After standing with you, hearing you cry, holding you, offering advice and being there for you, I am discarded. Was it all for nothing?! I guess so. But you showed me what is real. When I offered an answer that did not fit into your delusion of reality, when I tried to help, what's worse when I tried to show you how beautiful you really are you shove me away.

Well no more. You want to only talk about school, the weather and how we are doing? Fine by me. We'll go back to the way things were before you liked him. Best part? My feeling are dead. What did they bring in the end? Nothing. Its just my fault for caring too much. Even now does it even cross your mind if you've hurt me or not? I bet not. But hey, that's life. I'll still be there of course, and will help you too. But let's make it clear. As i sit here, writing this. I. DON'T. CARE.

Taking a turn

For the better. Things have finally decided to calm down a bit in my house. I appreciate this greatly as it means my stress levels are going down and I am sleeping better and actually having an appetite and eating too. A very definite plus considering how things were going. The stress levels were just getting to me. A very big plus was celebrating a friends birthday, and see a lot of old friends and even making some new ones. A definite fun time! I needed some fun badly. Being cooped up in a house for so long is never any fun. It gets better too because it's been raining so I have been very happy by this. Always something soothing about the rain.

Would asking for the reason...

Be that same as committing treason?

I have been an emotional mess lately. A lot of issues has risen and its making me doubt my decisions, myself, and most of all doubt where everything is going. It is absolutely ridiculous. i was fine and dandy up until this last weekend. This last weekend of suck! So my brother had a bad reaction to some medication. Now it was nothing serious it just made him lose sleep and thus made his anxiety go up. Well the doctor finally took him off of it and gave him sleeping meds and anxiety meds. Sounds peach right? Wrong. Now the only reason he does not sleep is because he is keeping himself awake from worrying about every little thing. No matter what it is he'll worry about it and when we try and bring him out of this worry stage he finds something in our words and worries about that too! I am sorry I know I should be more considerate to my brother but his worrying is messing with my mother and she already doesn't have perfect health so he is making her stress and worry and just gah!

I am sorry I guess I just need to rant. Its just man it gives me worries too because he either snaps out of it and sleeps and feels better or he doesn't and everyone has to worry and make changes in their schedule and just yeah no, no bueno. Not to mention from his pacing all night long through the house I have had horrible sleep as well so he is dragging the rest of us with him and just ugh! I see no real reason why this should be happening. God, I need a reason, I need to see why this is happening. So troublesome. I suppose the only way to combat this is sleep earlier but the lame part is I have woken up so early it just feels useless. God, please, lets see the end of this soon or your will and reason for it. Preferably before I go insane. Thank you.

We bring a dawn long overdue

I dunno, I kind of have come to the conclusion that I have to change some aspects of myself. I am not the party type but I have gone off and enjoyed some things such as hookah or even drinking with friends at one time or another and I feel that its gotten old fast and its only really just begun. I feel as if inside is something telling me to quit these things as if they're a lost cause of sorts. This stems from my seeing pictures of some friends going out and having fun at a hookah bar and I don't know but I felt emotional about it. I have no clue why but I just I can't even describe how I feel but its just i don't know. It seems so empty now from when I had done it the few times before. Like something is saying "no, you don't need that" or "it's time to quit that stuff". Its weird the way I am feeling.

Honestly I am not judging anyone because I mean I have done it too so why should i judge? Nor am I seeking a pat on the back or a "well done for getting away form that." Perhaps I am simply doing what is required of me, like that I am supposed to do in the first place? I have no idea. Maybe more will come to me later, maybe not. I just felt like sharing.

Your real, new self will not come as long as you are looking for it. It will come when you are looking for Him-C.S. Lewis

Such is Life

The process of growing up is to be valued for what we gain, not for what we lose-C.S.Lewis

So here I am now. I am becoming an adult. It has been a process that has taken a long time and a lot of different emotions and events. Some were painful physically, emotionally and mentally and some were filled with peace and joy but they all played a role. So here I am now coming to terms with a lot of things. Family health issues, finding work, school and the decisions I'll have to make and my own inner issues. Its scary, really. I ask myself "is this the right decision? Is this the right course to take? What happens if I do not succeed? What happens if I do?" So many question but I suppose those are all the risks an adult has to take. To try and find the right path that God wants me to take. The course of action I should pursue but also to make decisions a man, an adult must make.