I wonder

Why I even bother sometimes. It seems that no matter what I do, what I say, or what I plan it will always be viewed as a great disappointment that I was kicked out of school to my mother. To me the worst part of it all is that despite my explaining that I will go back, that I'll do better, that I am learning lessons from God, that I have realized the things I did wrong, I still get the comments, and the lectures. Sure, its not as daily as it used to be but if i mention anything about my friends who are still in college, or are graduating a comment always comes up about how I should be graduating or about how I messed up. I know i messed up and I do not need a constant reminder of my mistakes. I have accepted it and feeling bad isn't doing me any good now is it?

Despite this I still receive comments. I've also learned not to bother explaining because apparently my words fall on deaf ears. No matter how I try and explain that taking six units will have the loan people get off my butt, or how I'll get my financial aid back once I take some more classes and appeal their decision, and once I graduate I'm going to try and work at Disney World. None of this matters of course. Why? Because I'm not doing it the way she sees's it to be done. It's always been like that with her though, her way or no way. Well she is going to have to get used to the idea that I am going to be an adult and make my own decisions about my future.

So I have to take this a day at a time but I will be glad when my online classes begin and when i return to my school so I can be gone for several hours a day and not have to deal with so much major crap. I know my parents want the best for me but sometimes there are just things you can't change and just...yeah.