A kind reminder

Of the failure that I am. Today I asked my mother if it was okay to go to Vegas with three other friends of mine. After talking about it for a bit and telling me that it was my decision and me telling her that she is the parent and thus it is her decision since I live under her roof and so I abide by her rules. Well basically I got a yes and was happy to be going on this adventure with my friends and to have a new experience. Then I was called out of the room I was in so my mom could talk to me.

My mother then asked what I was going to do about my online classes I was going to start on Tuesday. Now it is the first week and I do not have my books, mind you so there isn't much I can do. Well logic doesn't work for her that way and thus it was decided that I will fail this semester. Why? Because I am acting the same way I had been before when I was at my school. Putting fun before schoolwork apparently. Yes, before I took any classes, before I did any work my mother has decided that I was going to fail this semester and waste her money like I did before.

I was reminded, after some time surprisingly, that I failed and was kicked out of school and that is why I am in the situation I am in. I was reminded of what a failure I was and apparently am. This is discouraging but I should stop being surprised. I don't think I have ever really heard any praise in a long time from my parents or siblings. I suppose that is life. I guess in the end I need to stop seeking people's praises and seek God's. What's the worst part of it all? The fact that I feel like the shame of the family and that there is that voice that rings out "you just don't belong."