Late Night Denny's

Ah Denny's time also known as therapy session amongst my friends and I. We go out to Denny's and just vent on the crap and the things that are going on in our lives. So my buddy Jacob and got to have some free time yesterday and hung out catching up on life. You know the usual stuff. Work, girls, school, girls, money, girls. Oh did I mention we talked about girls? Yeah. A lot. Ha ha usually our own lamenting about relationships and the frustration that comes from liking a girl.

Both of us have had tough times since this semester with school with set backs and just things that can leave a person unmotivated with work and such. So I came up with an explanation for it all. When it comes down to it both school and a relationship require a certain amount of energy and time. You have to balance it out or you'll neglect one and give so much energy to the other. Neither Jacob or I are prepared for being able to dedicate any time or energy into a relationship which basically strengthens the already obvious answer of, I am not ready for a relationship at this moment.

But I suppose that is life right? There is still a lot I need to have done and be doing before that time comes. I definitely want to try and get work and save up money and get a car and what not but most of all graduate finally. So there's some steps and measures to be taken. It'll take time but well worth it in the end.

Here is to life

And the hoping, the wishing, the begging that it'd be better. Seems today a lot of people are having a down day. One of those days where at the end you jump into your bed and just say goodnight and not worry about anything else. Sad thing is the issues never go away even with that. Sucks but its true. Everyone has issues on a day I believe should be a good day I mean it rained, and then got windy and as the clouds left overhead it was beautiful. But then you remember its a Monday and it sucks.

Lame. Oh well such is life. I dunno I just feel alone right now. I spent the last few days seeing people I miss and love and leaving made me miss them more. Now I am thinking of everyone else too and missing them. It sucks because I want to see them and there is this little voice telling me that if I want to see them more I'm going to have to get on the ball and work hard. But its just that...I am so unmotivated. I feel life has stopped, just halted and now I am going nowhere. I know I gotta try and take it all a day at a time but still seems so long to wait.

It sucks. I am so sick and tired of it all. Day in and day out the same. I want something new. I need to go looking for work, something to help me start up some independence. Part of me of course is that I am needed here to help at home so I am torn to which place to go and what to do. It sucks. I hate this feeling. Its like I am just floating in a river going round and round in circles not quite going anywhere. I suppose the best bet is to make a decision and go with it. I don;t want to but seems I have to but I don't know. I'll start with a job first see how that works out for me.

Tell the world to stop spinning I wanna get off!

Life. It happens. Full of risings and fallings, plot twists and chapter endings. Its a mess, but its our mess. In my life there is uncertainty. I am uncertain of what will happen in the future. WIll I ever graduate? WIll I ever get my degree, then a master's then a wife? WIll I ever meet the girl of my dreams? Trivial things such as those. They plague my mind now, every night before bed, when I wake up, when I am eating. ABout the only solace is blocking out the little voices with m Ipod. It happens, these things plague us all.

So yes, recently my mind has been swimming with questions and no answers. Life has been mixing signals with me again and I dislike it. A lot. Been up and down and all around. I just wish it would stop long enough to talk to me and help me figure out everything. Just takes time is all. I am just so tired and want to sleep it all away for just a little while longer. But it doesn't stop for me does it? Nope not for anyone so I power forward. Someday it'll all be okay.

Just have to wait it all out because as I go along I'll find the answers God will give me. God feels so far away and I feel so small. Like a tossed little speck in an ocean. It sucks. But I've written about that before and I ask myself, "Why am I afraid?"

WANT AD

A little cuddling. Is that too much to ask for? Just to hold someone and have someone hold onto me? Pillows are fine for a while but its not the same when you hold another person to you and all is right in the world. Because sometimes, when the world sucks and the day is long all you wanna do is lay in bed and just hold a person who makes it all right. Some time to relax and enjoy the other person's company. Honestly? This is a thousand times more appealing than sex could ever be! What's so wrong with enjoying someone's company? Just laying there holding each other? Sadly, I've got no one to cuddle or hold. Oh well. That's life for now I suppose.

Just so easy
When the whole world fits inside of your arms
Don't really need to pay attention to the alarm
Wake up slow, yeah, wake up slow

Jack Johnson-Banana Pancakes

Suddenly, a plot twist

For a few years now I have known what God wants for me, what path to take. Now suddenly something new has happened that could virtually take my life over. I have been asking God why. Why would He put this, of all things in my life? I'm confused on what I should do. I mean he called me to this and now it seems like what? I have to wait? Am I going to be wandering for a while until He calls me up and says, now I am ready? What's worse is I didn't do well at all in my Major Prophets Online course. I guess you could say I absolutely bombed it. This is a definite downer. All I have left now is one more class that I have to, no matter what, do well in. So my fingers are crossed I can actual self pace myself.

Add in the fact that my old college wants to know how I have been coming along now with my progress. Well, lets see, I just bombe done class and i will do well in the other but that's it, I have just taken 2 classes, I am lame and no I won't be returning, chances are. Another fun fact. This absolutely sucks. So chances are I can see lectures and arguing and blaming in the future form my parents. Oh joy. WHo doesn't like these things? Lame. So yes prayer is welcome, God knows i need it.