Here is to life

And the hoping, the wishing, the begging that it'd be better. Seems today a lot of people are having a down day. One of those days where at the end you jump into your bed and just say goodnight and not worry about anything else. Sad thing is the issues never go away even with that. Sucks but its true. Everyone has issues on a day I believe should be a good day I mean it rained, and then got windy and as the clouds left overhead it was beautiful. But then you remember its a Monday and it sucks.

Lame. Oh well such is life. I dunno I just feel alone right now. I spent the last few days seeing people I miss and love and leaving made me miss them more. Now I am thinking of everyone else too and missing them. It sucks because I want to see them and there is this little voice telling me that if I want to see them more I'm going to have to get on the ball and work hard. But its just that...I am so unmotivated. I feel life has stopped, just halted and now I am going nowhere. I know I gotta try and take it all a day at a time but still seems so long to wait.

It sucks. I am so sick and tired of it all. Day in and day out the same. I want something new. I need to go looking for work, something to help me start up some independence. Part of me of course is that I am needed here to help at home so I am torn to which place to go and what to do. It sucks. I hate this feeling. Its like I am just floating in a river going round and round in circles not quite going anywhere. I suppose the best bet is to make a decision and go with it. I don;t want to but seems I have to but I don't know. I'll start with a job first see how that works out for me.