Another day, Another Migraine

Another day of yelling and loud voices. I can't take this anymore, it's getting to be too much. I don't want to live here anymore. I wanna leave and just be happy. But I can't, not in this house. Not when everyday I have to wake up to this. Always the same thing, loud voices of regret, of wanting to "not be here anymore", of blaming people for what they've done. It's always the same and I am sick and tired of it. No wonder I am messed up about love. There's none in this house, this can't be love. I refuse to believe it and I refuse to be like them.

I've already made it clear I intend to be nothing like them when I am a parent. I won't yell in front of my kids, I won't belittle my wife, I won't talk of regrets and "what-if's" and the sort. I want them to be happy at home. Because home is supposed to be a safe place but if its some place you get no peace then what? This place isn't healthy mentally or emotionally.

I know i know. if you want things to change and be different then get up and do something. Well that's my plan. i have to change myself first. I'm going to start working harder and get to being an adult and just praying and hoping God will show me the way. I dunno, it's just too much sometimes you know? I don't know. Some worship music and some prayer will do me some good right now.