The hopeless romantic vs the realist

Had a funny moment at church last week before service. Once, a long time ago, an elder sister in church had talked to me and she had asked if I were: married, engaged or dating anyone. As odd and embarrassing as it was I told her I was single and had been for a while. She assured me that I'd find the right woman someday and that she'd be praying for me and my future wife. Fast forward to last week and I was in a rut. I'd been feeling down and depressed because I was facing the realization that I was approaching being single and alone for another year and that soon it'd be 7 years of being single. That's a long time and a daunting thing to think about when you're surrounded by couples both getting married and starting families. Coupled with being a hopeless romantic and man its a sinking feeling inside. Then the sister had asked me at random "Met that woman of God for you yet?". Dumbfounded and stunned I could only stand there. I'm not sure where her asking me that came from but it happened and I stammered out a "No" and she walked off, smiling and said "Ah that's okay! You got time! I'll keep praying for her and you too!" and she walked off happily. 

Sometimes God has a sense of humor I do not understand and that I do not see coming. It comes off as some sort of reassuring pat on the back and reminder that "He is ever mindful of me" and is looking out for me. I can confess I haven't gone to Him like I should and maybe I'd have been able to avoid the pitfalls of my thinking had I been wise enough to remember that but God had his hand on it before I even knew it. It's just sometimes its hard. Hard when even my ex-girlfriends are getting married and having kids. Its hard when I have to come face to face with the long feared truth being the girls I fawned after in my high school years and earlier twenties aren't going to wait forever for me and are moving on with their lives. When suddenly the hopeless romantic in me is shriveling up and the realist is becoming more clear and growing. All of that overbearing weight in my thoughts led me to one conclusion: I'm going to never be married, never be a father and be alone for the rest of my life.

Yeah, I know that is an odd idea to come to but in my mood during this time it makes sense. See, the idea of being alone, and not having that "true love" or "special person in my life" is a frightening one. At least that's what was always fed to me in every show I watched as a kid and teen that helped shape the fear. No one was ever happy alone and so I searched for that person, for my "soul mate". Not realizing that, it's not the end of the world if I end up single for life or not be married. I suppose that fear, even now as I write, is the hopeless romantic panicking at the thought of me accepting that. Course the elder sisters comments helped stoke a fire that put some pep back in my step that " maybe I will find the woman of my dreams someday!". Then again maybe not. Hm. I suppose it's another one of those "Grow some patience and wait" lessons God is so fond of with teaching me.