A new skill is required

So apparently I have to learn how to forgive people. Why? Well, in the light of the fact that in 9 days I will be have my special anniversary as I call it, of when my gf and I broke up. It'll be 2 years this year and just like last year I have this feeling of depression as the time approaches. It sucks you know? And I just can't seem to let that time in my life go. I want to, I am sick and tired of it all and always remembering and always having it as a scar afflicting me. I laid in bed this morning and all I could do was think of writing every day until the day of and just complain, lament and blame. But now I can't seem to bring myself to it. I want it all to go away but I just can't seem to move on, honestly. I am still in love with her, what's worse is the person I am in love with is dead. Not literally dead but she did a complete change on me and I could never be with her now because of attitude, personality and interests just conflict with me. So that is not an out. I mean the only other option I ever thought of was finding someone else I would fall so deeply in love with that I'd forget everything but now I feel like this is another thing I just need to give up to God. So much I need to let go.

My heart and my soul, I give You control Consume me from the inside out Lord Let justice and praise, become my embrace To love You from the inside out

-Hillsong United- From the inside out