Being Evil...

MEANS NEVER HAVING TO SAY YOU'RE SORRY

"I’m Sorry". Such an insignificant thing. Those of us who use it must ask what it really means. We say it but do we truly understand the meaning? Its an apology, I understand that but there is just something else to it. Something I don’t quite comprehend. Could it be because it is said so freely it has lost its meaning? Because, well, do we say it without truly understanding it? Without the understanding do we really mean it? Do we just just use it to qwell fights? I feel we do. I do at times at least. Of course I believe there is that part that is truly sorry. Somewhere...

I wrote this some time ago when I started out writing. Its now that I realize some things about the words "I'm sorry". No one ever really means it. They do, at times, when they have really screwed up but part of it truly is the desire for things to go back to normal, so they clear the sick feeling in their gut and get on with life. I say this because this happens all the time in my house. We will get mad and say we are sorry and no sooner we are mad again. It always happens as this and I cannot help but think: "If you were really sorry you'd try and not repeat the same actions."

In my house i try and keep my mouth shut so no one can get angry. There are times though where I want to scream, to yell, to say what is on my mind, what I'm feeling. But it always makes it worse when I do, so I keep my mouth quiet. The worse part is always the apologies, the saying sorry because maybe even hours or minutes later or the next day it'll be the same. It sucks, I dislike it. Its one of the things I want to fix. I want to be able to say I am sorry and mean it, to try and not get angry again and hurt someone right after I apologized. One of the things that always happens that I dislike and will not do when I become a parent. Perhaps I'll figure out how to correctly say I am sorry someday in the future. But perhaps also such a thing will never be because it escapes us.